haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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