Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
