I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The feeling are messing with the penis
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
