i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
