your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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