If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
