So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
