is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
