Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
