I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
