No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
