if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
