over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
