cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
