I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
