Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
