I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
