Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
