I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
