Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
