the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
