I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
