how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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