you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
