My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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