I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
