; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
