Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
