dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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