dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
