i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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