Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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