you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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