Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
