So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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