Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
