i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just puked most of my soul out..
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
