And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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