Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My cat gives me a boner
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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