I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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