AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
