he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Randomize
