Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
