Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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