Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
