did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
