Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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