i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
