Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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