yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
