Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
