I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
this boner is exhausting
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
