Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
