I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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